I'm a success! After only a few hours of coaching, I am able to get into a kayak and, on good days, get it to go straight for a few metres. Getting in was easy compared to the 'going straight' part.

Now that I can get in, apparently the important thing to learn is how to get out. It constantly amazes me for a boat club how wet we end up. There is a saying that it is extremely stupid to try parachuting because nobody should willingly jump out of a perfectly functioning plane. I often think about that when I practice capsizing.

Back to the start. Getting into a kayak. Kayaks know when you are a beginner. I think they can sense your level of confidence. The one I tried first did. It knew I was a beginner and would not stay still. As a new kayaker I had to show the kayak which of us was the boss. Unfortunately, the kayak knew that it was the boss. After climbing out of the water, I tried again. And again.

I suppose we should be introduced to the kayak. A kayak is a long, hollow piece of plastic with a hole in the top where the paddler sits. At least, the hole is supposed to be at the top. It is even harder to get into if it is at the bottom, though I have seen this done! This hole is called the cockpit (more visions of jumping out of planes comes to mind). The paddle is a long, solid piece of plastic with two 'blades' at the end. After being hit by one of these, the reasoning behind that name becomes apparent.

Another problem with kayaks is their phobia of straight lines. Once again, the kayak can tell what you are thinking. It is happily going where you are paddling for a while, but it knows you are a beginner. The phobia grows and then you will turn, and there is nothing you can do about it. With training, or as it should be called, breaking in, the phobia can be held off for longer and longer until one day you realise that the boat is tamed.

So, here I am. The kayak finally under my control for some of the session, anyway. The next article will about be something simpler, like nailing jelly to the ceiling.